All Changes Start with You

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At this table, I have had several conversations about relationships but basically I end them with the same advice: changes start with you. The person that is hurting the most is usually the person who benefits the most from that statement. People tend to hold other people accountable for their happiness which is not the way it should be.

Over the years I have read books, listened to many stories and educated myself on how relationships work. Of course, no situation is exactly the same but the same theories apply. First of all you have to make the decision if the relationship is worth fighting for. The road is long and hard but you have to make sure you are going to put the commitment in and to see it all the way through. Don’t worry about if your partner is going to be all in because this is totally about you and how you feel. Next you have to make a decision about do you want this person or do you need this person. There is a huge difference because you should never need this person to survive or be your source of happiness. You should want this person to enhance your life and happiness because in reality it is not their job to make you happy.  If you believe you cannot be happy without this person then you need to do a self assessment and find out how you can make you happy. It’s all about the feeling of happiness and joy. I personally found peace through reading the bible and prayer but every individual has their own way of finding happiness. Find a hobby, activity, meditation or something for yourself that no one else has control of that makes you happy. Once you make that small change you will see that over time you will change your whole perspective about what you really need and want. You are not changing the love you have for that person at all but you are changing the need into a want.

Keeping a positive attitude is also a key factor in making changes. This is very hard sometimes when life is not going as expected but finding just one positive thing to be thankful for, one positive thing to do or just call that one friend that makes you laugh all the time is ways that you can lighten your mood. This will help you get through it easier than just complaining and crying. My saying is “tomorrow’s a new day” so it helps me get through this day and reminds me that tomorrow is a fresh new beginning or clean slate should I say, to work with. I try to laugh as much as possible at the issues I encounter so that it doesn’t get the best of me and drain all my happiness away. People might look at me like I’m crazy when I do that but I will do whatever it takes to keep my spirit as high as possible.

Keep the communication lines open. So many issues stem from not talking to each other about how you feel. It took me years to open up to my husband and even longer to for him to really open up to me. Once I figured out that it was not his job to keep me happy, my attitude changed and I felt happy with who I was becoming. I no longer blamed him for not keeping me happy and our relationship began to evolve. We argued less and started working as a team instead of against each other. I can tell my husband what I like or dislike just as he can tell me. We don’t argue about it because there is no point and it is up to the individual to change or not. In the end we both know we love each other and want to be together which is what matters the most so we work together to make it better for us both.

Once you begin these positive changes, over time you will see your partner change too. Rome was not built in a day and neither will your relationship be fixed in a day but the more positive changes you make, you will see how easier it will get. Your partner will begin to see the changes and will eventually want to be a part of it. Maybe not at first but it all starts with you. You are the owner of your happiness and only you can make the changes that bring you happiness. Remember, you can’t do the same thing over and over and then expect different results. Common sense tells you that you have to make changes to see a different result. Keep your spirits high and keep moving forward….